


Ghosts

by WelcomeToTheBadlands



Series: American Psychos [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Peggy Carter, Captain America - Freeform, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, F/M, POV Peggy Carter, POV Steve Rogers, PTSD, Peggy Carter Lives, Steve Needs a Hug, Violence, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Winter Soldier Peggy Carter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-06 19:21:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5427674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WelcomeToTheBadlands/pseuds/WelcomeToTheBadlands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peggy and Bucky shared cells; they heard each other scream. And they both became the Winter Soldier together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Murk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> assassins load your guns; 
> 
> Dedicated to my very own Peggy Carter. May your badassery go on for centuries.

_Shifting through watered down memories is hard. It's like grabbing for something that doesn't exist. You can see it slip beneath your fingers each time you try to make a go at it. That's why it was hard for her to care anymore. Her memories of how to do such a thing had painfully been shoved under a layer of murk and grime along with everything else. The strange emptiness that followed this was filled by orders. Orders given to her by the one and only, Alexander Pierce on behalf of HYDRA. In a way she knew exactly what she was doing. Working for the enemy. Doing it because her counterpart had failed. Failed to do his chosen assignments and now the man known as Captain America was still alive. She never called him by his superhero name- or his real name for that matter. Because although she didn't remember, the very annoying sense of familiarity always struck her most when she thought about him._

Her lips had been painted red, and although she had lost an arm that didn't stop her from making her looks be part of her weapon. Red lips, curled hair, the proper dress, and the English accent was enough to make any of her victims forget about the metal arm and take her in the back room long enough for to kill them and be on her way. Except for this assignment. Well- double assignment to say the least. First on her list was James Buchanan Barnes. The second was Captain America himself. This assignment called for the leather and the kevlar, as well as updates to her arm. The newer version of the Winter Soldier had readied her guns and started following the two the day she got the assignment. It was easy, really. All she had to do was find a common associate of the two and track them to a hideout place.  _ **"Samuel Wilson, also known as the Falcon is unconscious. Going in for the first kill."**_ Part of her hoped that only one of them would be there so she could have more time to plot how to kill the other. Another part of her mildly hoped that neither of them would be there at all. But she ignored both, sneaking around a corner in wait for the nearest man to come by. She was used to waiting. 

_"Peggy," Bucky Barnes was still alive. But how could he have survived that fall? Peggy didn't bother asking questions. She was glad she had a friend in the prison with her, but not glad that they were both in there for the same reason. Being Steve Roger's weakness._

The walls were dim and grey and not something that she thought would be a resident of red, white, and blue. The first one to walk out was her male counterpart. She caught him off guard, putting him in a choke hold. He brought his metal fist on to her face, but the brunt of the hit was absorbed by her mask. She didn't let go, her grip only strengthening around his neck as he struggled. "Peg," he manages to get out before going unconscious. She had heard footsteps approaching the door. So she'd left, knowing that she wouldn't be able to finish the job in time. The only danger was, now they knew that she was coming for them. 

_The torturing had begun soon after Peggy had arrived at the prison, they had been cruel enough to make her watch as Bucky took most of it for her. Both of them pleading to be the ones to take on the damage; a special duty they kept as both being Steve Rogers friend. "Bucky?" After three escape attempts, they'd hurt him enough to teach her a lesson. Bucky reached for her, pained and open mouthed as if he was trying to speak. She supported him as he almost fell into the water that surrounded them. They headed slowly towards the bed and she slowly sat him down. Sound torture. That's what made him so unable to speak. An unbearable shriek had been amplified by a small radio in his ear and made him into the mess he was now. She knew what was ahead. What she had to do to keep his fate from getting any worse._

The next time she aimed a gun at Bucky Barnes, he was alone. No one else to help him. But he looked better and wellrested, like he actually had some food he could keep in his stomach for more than an hour. He was silent, as she was. Her handgun aimed straight between his eyes, waiting for him to fight back. But he never did, and she knew why.  Turning around fast enough to catch Captain America's shield. She glanced back at Bucky, the look on his eyes saying that he didn't tell Captain that she was there. Some sort of blackmailing technique for his life. Captain and Sam Wilson were on the same rooftop. "I'd make this easier on yourself, drop the weapons and tell us why you're trying to kill Barnes." A weakness. Sam Wilson's metal wings were just starting to fold up, allowing her to the throw the shield at an inhuman force as it tore through his wings and landed back in Cap's hands himself. And thus the fight began.

 


	2. Noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Torture is everlasting.

_She couldn't remember where she was from. After they were done with her, she couldn't remember where she was from, the faces of her friends. It was all just trivialities. They made her a weapon, and saved her for later. A failsafe._

This time Captain America had found her. No one else was around, but he had attacked, not with the strength he had the first time they had met. He was merely trying to subdue her, his shield connected with her mask, sending it spiralling off to the side. Finally he stopped, like something he was fearing had become true. "No-" She had used this pause to her advantage, grabbing the nearest object-which just so happened to be a two by four- and bringing it down on his face with a sickening thud. Why wasn't he fighting back either? It took what little fun there was completely out of it. "Peggy?"

"Who the hell is Peggy?"

_At first she was faulty. Unlike Bucky, she would still wake up remembering who her friends were, who Captain was. She still woke up trying to save people. They had tried everything too. It seemed like nothing would actually work. None of it actually worked until they used the noise. That put her in her place very quickly._

She fought with even more capability than he remembered. Using his emotional disposition to his advantage, planting him in the concrete with a sickening crack and then leaving. Perhaps there was some sort of misunderstanding. She might have looked like a girl that he liked from his past, but she certainly wasn't that. She wasn't a human. Not anymore. She was part of a machine whose whole mission was to take down America and remake it in their preferred image. Yet there was a ghost of a memory on her lips, like she knew him once. This had made her leave. Because she wasn't obedient in her past memories. That had come back to her.

* * *

 Torture was everlasting, and she had never fully gotten used to their techniques, "But I knew him," that wasn't enough. They didn't care. Strapping her into her chair and wiping her memories clean again. The process was painful, electric shocks and a needle collecting some of her spinal fluid. Pictures of Alexander Pierce and other Hydra agents passing through her limited field of vission as everything started to blur. 

_"Pain sets you free,"  they'd told her. They were wrong._

 


	3. Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and we all fall down

Again, it was only her mission. The man in front of her needed to be taken down. That was all that was on her mind. Take him down. Take him down. Her viciousness was that Captain America had never seen, but one that he didn't fight against. All he did to fight was block her fatal attacks. That's when she noticed the three people standing on the rooftops around them, and that's when she struck his shield so hard that the air around them shook. The three people momentarily being knocked down by the blowback. Peggy began viciously punching him, a blow to the stomach. A blow to the torso.  You still owe me that dance,” Steve's voice was raspy, breathing through a broken rib and a bloody mouth. His eyes were hopeful- hoping that the woman he loved would remember… And it seemed that she did. Pain filled memories flooding her brain slowly but surely. Her fist, unhinged. “That's my girl.” She stepped off of him, tears threatening to overwhelm her body as she crumbled into him slowly. Steve hadn't expected this reaction because for Bucky, the memories were little by little. For Peggy, it was all at once.

She'd been moved at sometime. Her bland surroundings only accentuated with the clamp that held down her arm. A redheaded spy had given her food, but she'd seen no other faces outside of that. “Hey,” Her head snapped up to see Steve, wearing a regular shirt and jeans. A crack of a smile displayed on her face for a split second before her eyes traveled back to the ground again. “Do you remember me?”

“Of course I remember.” her hand shook as she reached for a compartment inside her shirt. “The redhead gave it back.” it opened to show pre-serum Steve. The picture was a little water damaged, like Peggy’s memories but it was clear to see the picture. “You know even before you were Captain America I would've said yes to a dance.” That had made Steve smile, remembering the awkward car moments the two had shared together.  The sincerity of it all.

“What do you remember?”

“Everything. You, my friends, the torture. Bucky and I shared cells with each other. They broke us so much we couldn't remember our own names let alone each other. I remember when I was still able to remember some things I went on a mission, saw one of my friends… Angie. She had been looking for me, wanted me to stay home with her, and they killed her the second they found me. I remember Bucky getting angry when they tortured me, and begging them to torture him instead of me. I remember…” she trailed off for a second before snapping back to reality, “Calling for you. I used to hallucinate after they took us out of cryogenic freeze. One of the effects of sleeping for more than ten years in a chemically induced chamber.” she stopped explaining and ran her hand through her knotted brown hair as she glared spitefully at her metal arm.

“Hey, Peg- look. I'm here now,” Steve knelt down and shifted her body so she could rest on him, unclamping her metal arm. “I'm here now. Okay?” She was cold to the touch, face flushed with tears, and hair knotted and greasy from several days of being unwashed. "I'm here," Her head pounded with memories, orders, the affects of Hydra torture. 

"I missed you,"

_"Bucky- can you hear me?" His face was contorted in pain. The sound still lasting in his ears from a small radio that was hard to locate. "Buck... stop moving. I'm going to try and take the radio out. Nod yes if you understand." The convulsions subsided enough for Peggy to hold him down. A stolen pair of tweezers and a match to help her. The small bump in his ear was eventually found and removed. And for that he was eternally grateful- when he remembered._

The next face she saw was none other than Bucky Barnes. A small broken smile and a kind gaze in his eye. "Hi Peg,"

 


	4. A Conversation With An Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Peggy talk for the first time in fifty-eight years.

Peggy stayed silent, her throat parched and unused. "Okay, not gonna talk. That's a shame." He smiled down at her before sitting promptly on the floor. "Steve told me what you remember..." Still silent, her eyes widened. Bucky moved forwards, knowing what came with the memories. He grabbed on to her, holding her up straight. Brown hair mixed in strands as a new memory came filing forward. 

_This was a new method of torture. Peggy had never experienced such a pain as these drugs. She'd taken the drugs for Bucky, not sure that he could withstand any more torture for the next few days. The drugs merely swirled her vision at first, but soon after she him. Steve Rogers before the serum had changed him into Captain America. His body was covered in ice, lips mottled in purple and blue. 'You let me die,' Sweat started dripping down her forehead. 'You let me take the serum and you let me die,' Shaking her head, she tried to shake the vision. But then she saw Angie, 'Where are you? Why did you leave? Was I not good enough for you?' Ghosts come back to haunt her. She needed to see them. Captain was in a coma, but he was home. Angie was still hopefully in New York, Mr Jarvis keeping her safe. But the ghosts of guilt kept prodding her into a state of screaming delirium. So much so that she began to move the chair that was screwed into the floor. Moving it backwards as she tried to get away from the ghosts._

"It's the- the-"

"No it's not. It's just a memory of it, Peggy. You are on forty fifth street, in a room, with me. Captain is outside, getting some sleep, Samuel Wilson is baking, and the redhead- Natasha Romanov is ready to come in here and help the both of us with anything if need be. You are not in that room anymore. I know what it's like. This is not it okay?" Her eyes became much clearer, murk clearing up to show what was in front of her. "Good, you're good now." They had talked more, about nothing, but soon she was a lot happier than she had been previously. Her pain subsiding to small tremors instead of waves that broke past her resolve. "Think you're ready to come out, English?" Peggy politely shook her head no, the sterile room comforted her, reality not an option. 

 "Нет, я требует отдыха." Bucky shook his head before answering.

 "Лучшие кровати в поместье Старка,  Кроме того, вы должны соответствовать другим." He wasn't going to take no fot an answer. Trying several times to gget her to speak English again before they head out.


	5. Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you guys hear that?" 
> 
> "No-" Steve was confused, but it seemed that Natasha knew, collapsing at the same time that Peggy shut off.

Bucky had helped her explain things to Steve when her memories malfunctioned. When she malfunctioned. Soon after they had all gone on a short mission together, Natasha, Steve, Bucky, and Peggy. Like the old times plus one. Simple mission. Alien on eighty-third street. Subdue the alien and then get out to let everyday civilians do their thing again. Except it became clear to Peggy that once they had electrocuted Cap and nearly killed Bucky that whatever the creature in front of her was, had planned this. It was about the same size as a human, except it had twice the strength and two crossbones marking its forehead. She had started seeing red as she aimed, ready to draw this fucker away if it tried to kill another one of her friends. Bullets flew through it at lightening speed and it vanished as her earpiece began to hum with a low and familiar noise. "Hey guys... do you hear that?" Black Widow and Peggy repeat the words at the same time, Natasha dropping to the ground and Peggy's eyes going completely blank. Peggy is no longer Peggy.  She's a weapon again. Waiting to be turned on. 

_"Angriff," The Doctors had wiped her brain fifty eight times, now taking her for a test run. This time they had made sure she didn't know who she was, she was an it. A weapon to be possesed and used to put fear in others. Her gun was raised at a scientist who had stolen some real food to give to her as the word was repeated again. "Angriff," Her eyes became two blank slates as she took off the safety and shot the man._

 It's gun was raised at it's mission, ready to shoot at the second command. "Готов себя к смерти," The second command came through and she shot, the second part of her mission's shield got in the way. Both Winter Soldier's saw red and moved forward- ready to kill each other. It brought out a knife, aiming each stab for his head. There was some yelling from behind but its goal had zeroed in on James Buchanan Barnes. Its metal fist connected with his jaw, as he winced, barely registering pain. He grabbed its arm when it tried to punch him again. Enough for Steve to come in behind it and slip a needle into her neck. It remembered the scientists, poking needles and pain as recoiled after the contents had been emptied into her neck. "Я требует выполнения калибровки," Its vision became blurry as drowsiness took over. "Я требует выполнения калибровки," It became more alarmed when the drugs took over and its body went limp.

* * *

 It had been several days since the incident, no one in, no one out. But today a blonde man had come in with a shake, sitting one in front of it. "Я требует выполнения калибровки," The man seemed surprised at this. 

"I don't know what you're saying Peg," It cocked its head to the side as it searched for an answer to this, it tried again.

"Wer ist Peggy?" It said. 

"No, English. You know how to speak English don't you? What did they do to you?"

"I require recalibration."

"No you don't."

"Mission Failed: I require recalibration."

"Peggy, you aren't in the room anymore, you are here with me." After a minute of blinking and searching for  the right answer it answered. 

"Liar."

"I don't lie. I'm terrible at it."

"Wrong. Weapon. No name. No past."

He hung his head as he heard this. "Peggy you are not a weapon, you're the woman I- your my best friend."

"No past," The clamp groaned as it struggled to get out.

"You still owe me a dance." It didn't dance. 

"I do not deal in luxury,"

"Перекалибруйте меня,"

"You don't require recalibration, you're a human. Not a weapon. You're here with me."

"Steve Rogers?" 

"Peggy Carter?" The name was familiar. But it did not associate with such. The man in front of it was the mission. Kill him and be on your way. Again, the clamp that held down it's arm strained, and Captain realize with a wide eyed fear that it was going to break out of the restraint and hurt someone, or even worse... hurt herself. It lunged forward with a velocity not seen before, her ferocity one to be feared. Steve didn't fight back as she tackled him, both of them sliding into the mix of metal and concrete as it punched him viciously. "Peggy- please." Those pleading eyes were the thing that took it a moment to process. It remembered eyes like that, a long time ago. Ones that were on a body so much smaller, it got off of Steve, now a curiosity in it's usually dull eyes.

"Tell me about this Peggy-" It said. It was not Peggy. Which is why it wanted to know who she was. 

"You're Peggy-" when he realized this wasn't going to work on it he went a different route-"She was unlike any other woman I've ever met. She could kick anyone's ass if she wanted to and she never gave up. She's the strongest woman I knew. That's probably why I fell in love with her so fast." That's when everything cleared back up. Peggy snapped out of whatever trance she'd been in, her eyes clearer with the memory of where she was again. Ignoring the love part. Blinking and dazed, she took in a large breath with a shudder and stared at the bruise on his face before resting her head on Steve's chest. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" 

"What do you have to be sorry about?" Steve unclamped her metal arm again, the shake in his hands. She took it from him, the only thing she or Bucky could have. "If anything it should be me saying sorry, I'm the one who had to drug you."

"Let's call it even,"

* * *

 It seemed like months went by before Peggy finally decided to leave her room again, when in actuality it was only a couple of weeks. Padding down the hall silently, pjama pants warming her legs. The most luxurious thing she'd allowed herself after she attacked Bucky. Bucky rounded the corner just as she was about to, blocking the hallway. "What are you doing?" He smiles casually and replies-

"I'm stopping you from seeing a surprise,"

" _Bucky,_ "

"You don't remember do you?"

"What?"

"Today's your birthday."

That's when it struck her. She  was ninety four today. "Oh god I'm old," This made him laugh. 

"Join the club, Carter."

* * *

 

She had been given a long sleeved red dress much like the one that Captain had seen her in. Her hair reflected a little in the pale yellow lights. Nothing was harsh or loud, music emitting softly from speakers made to look like the old ones from the forties. A tap on the shoulder made her turn around as Steve's grin widened. "It looks like we're going to get to have that dance."

  _"What is your name?" Zola sat in front of Peggy, delivering a look that she'd only associate with pure evil. She said her name. A punch across the face. "Wrong, what is your name?" She said it again, this time bracing for the punch that came to her abdomen. This process was repeated, over, and over again until she had finally replied._

_"I have no name,"_

The dance was wonderous as their feet scuffled together, Peggy being mildly clumsy and all to together smiling for the first time since he'd seen her in seventy years. She felt normal again, neither of them paying attention to a missing arm or the sadness that threatened to break through the thin lines of happiness that held them together at the moment.


End file.
